The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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