hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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