At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So vagazzling was a success
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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