Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
we should paint friendship bongs
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