Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
