Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
