Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
