shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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