How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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