i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
