she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
