So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
ttyl tear gas
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
