They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
