we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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