Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You pole danced in your parka.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
