Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
