I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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