sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
