I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize