I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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