It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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