Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
