My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
