I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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