why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
