I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
