i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize