well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
BRING THE BAGELS
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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