he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
