I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize