Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
you made out with another girl for some wings
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
