i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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