I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
