PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
