The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
