from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
