i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
