i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Life is so much better after having sex.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize