I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
