life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I still have a little drunk in my system
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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