dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
