It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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