I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
