corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
