hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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