Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
