the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
