He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
