dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
