i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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