he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
