Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
