Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Damn victory sex feels great
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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