u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
