i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
