I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
