If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
