Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
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