There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
