i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
