Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
They are going to name an STD after you.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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