My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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