There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
that's an acceptable place to lick
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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