And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I am available for nakedness
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
