I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I am midnight drunk by noon
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
