Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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